College Coaches Visit the Middle East…The Untold Story

In the offseason a group of college coaches did their citizenry duty and went over the Middle East to visit, meet, greet, and coach up our nation’s military.  The group included Mack Brown, Jim Tressel , Rick Neuheisel, Tommy Tuberville, Houston Nutt and others.  All of the morale boosting and goodwill earning aside, there are few things that the US Government would like kept unreported from the trip…

  • They all hated sleeping in the same room with Mack Brown…two words…night flatulence.
  • Houston Nutt openly had a giggle fit when they told the coaches they would be visiting Djbouti.
  • The quarterback of the flag football team coach by Rick Neuheisel went down in a heap with an ACL tear on the first series.
  • Tommy Tuberville signed any Auburn memorabilia with his own feces.
  • None of the national guardsmen from New Jersey had any idea who the coaches were.
  • Jim Tressel, ditching his trademark sweater vests,  plans to hear the flack jacket and helmet on the sidelines all season.
  • Terry Bowden showed up at the airport with his bags packed, ready to go even though no one invited him.
  • Jim Grobe was drunk the entire trip.

  • No one could remember Troy Calhoun’s name, so they just called him “Kid Lightening”.
  • When Houston Nutt put on camouflage, he worked under the assumption that he was invisible.  No one corrected him.
  • Tommy Tuberville suggested to the General in command an entire new attack plan to deal with the Taliban…the General was summarily dishonorably discharged 3 months later.
  • Due to the influx of Ohio State fans into the military…oversized grey sweatshirt hoodies are now Army regulation.
  • Jim Grobe only ate MRE’s.
  • Bobby Petrino was on the trip but parachuted out of the plane somewhere over the Atlantic.
  • Mack Brown, when not on camera, insisted that all of the troops address him as John Rambo.
  • Jim Tressel ironed everyone’s outfits for them everyday.
  • Rick Neuheisel was killed by friendly fire.
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