A Below Average Photo Essay: Skins Pats Exhibition Edition

On a sloppily stormy night in our Nation’s Capital (well, technically Landover, Maryland) FOTP operatives infiltrated the epicenter of American Culture. If you can’t make cotillion class a parking lot outside an NFL game will do just fine. We never got a glimpse of Brady’s greatest trophy (Gisele), but knowing she was likely somewhere out there in that sea of overweight men wearing Jerseys and mustard stains was as comforting to us as it was to Tom when a 350lb Albert Haynesworth belly flopped on his shoulder.

Here is a brief photo tour of Redskins Nation.

  Redskins Pats 002

 It is one thing to make the bold statement on your tee-shirt that your coach stimulates you sexually, but it is a whole ‘nother ball game if said invidual is drinking Mike’s Hard PINK Lemonade. That is right; this guy was drinking Mike’s Hard PINK Lemonade whilst tailgaiting for Football.

Redskins Pats 001

 You are just going to have to trust us on this. That white bag conceals a whole sixer of Mike’s Hard PINK Lemonade. After the loss he surely went home to drown his sorrow in Buttery Nipple shots and possibly even a bedtime Appletini if he was feeling spunky.

Redskins Pats 003

Just 2 people. 4 hamburgers. 7 hotdogs. 1 can of beans. NFL BABY. AMERICA. BOOSH.

Redskins Pats 004

 This is what happens to U-Haul vans that are never turned back in…

Redskins Pats 005

 Classic NFL fan wedgie (Don’t worry, that is a chick).

Redskins Pats 009

 These guys were for the black & denim team. And trust me, if they ask you are too.

Redskins Pats 011

 The famous hogettes and a hogette groupie. Cross-dressing pig men and the women who love them.

Redskins Pats 014

 Joe is still a beloved figure in this town. For some reason Spurrier not so much…

Redskins Pats 017

 Our beer will make you fat. And very round.

Redskins Pats 020

 Jason Campbell enters the field while overzealous Skins fans chant for Colt Brennan/Chase Daniel/Heath Shuler to get their shot.

Redskins Pats 021

 This could be a picture of the Pats returning the opening kick or it could be of the backside of 9 NFL Cheerleaders. You decide.

Redskins Pats 023

 Brady under center. Moss wide. Unstoppable pre-Haynesworth flop.

Redskins Pats 025

 I know Darrell Green sir. And you are no Darrell Green.

Redskins Pats 034

 Boom-Boom Pow.

Redskins Pats 016

No really. There is a full service Hooters inside the stadium. If the game sucks atleast you have hot wings and boobs.


3 responses to “A Below Average Photo Essay: Skins Pats Exhibition Edition

  1. Juice,

    How dare you try to use your dry humor towards Redskins Football. I expect the same hard-hitting piece on the “lovely” Saints fans and atmosphere.

    Suck. It. Woo.

    PS> Surely, FTOP can spring for better seats than those.

  2. I’m well aware of the cast of characters who attend Saints games. If I had the locational opportunity I’d do a photo essay on them every weekend eventually landing me a pulitzer or atleast a publishing deal for a coffee table book.

    But alas this is the geographical hand I’m delt at the moment. I really hope to go to a Ravens game sometime time year. Prepare yourself for that one.

  3. Very nice essay sir.

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